Making Emotional Deposits

I know. The title of this post sounds a little funny. I agree, but the thoughts behind it are pretty good I think. I was watching a program on TV that I like to watch every Sunday night, and the guy on there was talking about this exact topic. I'll try to explain it as best as I can to see if it makes sense to anyone else but me.

I have been called a few things over my life and accused of doing things that I knew I wasn't doing. The things I said were looked upon as having meanings that I hadn't intended, or ulterior motives. This actually happened again recently, which was detailed in a friend's blog.

I try to be a nice person in all my dealings with people. I try to be pleasant and friendly, and actually take an interest in the people around me. When I go into a store, I'll ask the cashier "How are you today?". When I see the mail man, I'll tell him "Thanks. I appreciate it." I do stuff like that all the time. It has become second nature to me, and I automatically do it without even thinking about it.

Until tonight, I just did it without thinking. But now I know what it is I am doing. I am "Making Emotional Deposits" in people's lives. It boils down to being a giver more than you are a taker. If you ask someone to do something, based on the "balance" you have in that person's "account", will affect how they react to you. Even if you don't expect someone to do something, you might need help with something, or some support one day, and because you took the extra time to make a connection with a person, they may be there for you.

The guy tonight used this example. When he goes to a restaurant with his wife that he has been to before, he will ask the valet how they are doing or if its been busy or what not. Things that don't take any longer that 10-15 seconds. But he makes a personal connection with the guy parking his car. Because of this, when they come out to leave, the valets will get their car quicker or even in front of other, more disconnected people. He doesn't expect them to do this, but they do it because he has made an "emotional deposit" in their accounts.

You make emotional deposits in people by not criticizing them all the time. Even if you have criticism to give to someone, start off with positive thoughts first. By doing this, you build up your "emotional account" with them, and they will accept the criticism better. If you ask an employee to do something, but they don't do it exactly the way you wanted or expected, don't immediately criticize. Tell them, "Hey that looks good. I can see you really worked hard on that, and it shows. What if, instead of putting these here though, we put them over here? That way it will balance out better. What do you think?" You build up your "account" with them first by complementing them, and because you aren't trying to make a "withdrawal" from an empty account, they will drop their defenses and accept the criticism better.

I do this all the time. I take an interest in the people around me. I ask them if I can help them with what they are doing. I offer my assistance. I ask them how they are doing. I give people compliments. I offer support or help to those around me that seem like they need it. I do all of this to brighten their day by building them up; by making them feel good about themselves. I do it because I want to help people and give them the chance to go further in what they are doing. I make emotional deposits in their accounts. The world would be a much better place if more people did this I think.

I hope all of that makes sense. Anybody have any thoughts on this topic? Did it sound right or should I clarify more? Feel free to discuss.